When you have your first child you seem to hold your breath for a long time worrying about the "what if's" that accompany newborns. What if he gets sick? How will I know what to do? Is this normal? Why is this so hard? By the time you start to figure things out and feel good about parenthood, a new phase begins and you need to re-adjust and learn all over again. But, you take the past experiences as wisdom to help you move forward.
Well with baby number two I am holding my breath again, this time for different reasons. I know the answers or know what to do to get them. I know when the crying is going to stop, I know why he is hungry all the time, and I'm ready for it all. This time I'm holding my breath because I'm ready to move forward. I want baby number two to be a baby for awhile. I want him to get the attention he needs, while his brother is distracted, but I NEED to be myself again.
I'm holding my breath waiting for my kids to grow up enough so I can enjoy my husband again, clean my house in under 8 hours while guest are over, sleep without a stuffed monkey thrown on my face, get my nails done with out a shrieking phone call, drink a margarita with friends, stop and smell the flowers while still have petals attached to them and not my carpet and go through my days without rushing around.
This weekend was a big step toward breathing again. My ape softened to a gentle giant and watched the kids for a few hours while I just frittered the afternoon away. And the next day we took the baby's co-sleeper out of our room. It's next destination: our garage until yard sale day '09. I think my chest is starting to loosen up a little. I don't want my little guys to be teenagers tomorrow. I just would like them to be old enough so I don't have to worry about either one of them while I'm away. Of course while I was out, I rushed about thinking I had kids to deal with or hurry home to and relaxing didn't kick in until it was almost time to leave. Obviously, getting accustomed to breathing again will take some time.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
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