Perception

I am almost always with the kids. It is rare that I don't have them to do such things as go grocery shopping, present shopping, taking the garbage out even taking a shower. They are always there. And 9 times out of 10 they one of them is being wacky. (By wacky I mean yelling crazy or crying or screaming.) Monday was no different. We went grocery shopping- just the three of us- in the light drizzle of the morning. I offered my toddler the fun cart, one in which he gets to drive. He was excited and as I was putting the baby in i was hoisting the diaper bag onto the cart floor, holding the baby, watching the toddler so he didn't run into the parking lot and some how put the cart cover on for the baby. I thought I was out of the way, and out of the rain when an older gentleman gets his cart and stops. Then he approaches us- in the past older gentleman have made not the best comments so I was ready to just ignore the old fellow- when he asked me if I needed any help. Of course I perked up right away, changed my voice from frustrated mommy to nice lady and smiled, said no thank you and continued with what I was doing. He then replied: "I don't know how you woman do it. It seems that you have so many more hands then us men." I needed that laugh. What a great way to start my day. Unfortunately that was my highlight as 2 minutes later the toddler didn't want that cart so we transferred to a regular one and 5 minutes after that and for the remainder of the shopping trip I had 1 baby who began to cry and 1 yelling toddler unhappy about his cart choice who eventually stopped screaming when I picked him up while feed a bottle to the baby and pushing the cart- I can totally see the many hands comment. I sometimes feel like Vishnu looks (without any religious affiliation). At this time he, the toddler, was so disraught over the cart situation and had bawled so much he proceeded to pee on me then tell me he hadn't while I was still holding him. With my grocery shopping 75% finished, I set him down, and finished shopping. I was not about to abandon cart at this late juncture no was I about to leave without a quarter of my needed items. We finished shopping him with wet pants that were completely undetectable and my with my large wet stain completely noticable.
Apparently, I needed more help that morning then I had thought.

Time

I don't have any.
I want time to pee without anyone calling for me, yelling for me, crying, screaming, coloring on the carpet or peeing on themselves.
When do I get time- between 9 pm and midnight. When I should be napping so as to be ready for the 2, 4:30 and 5am wakings. Not to mention the 3am "mommy" call to get into my bed. Although, I know for a fact he can get in by himself.

All I want for Christmas is a break.
And a clean house that doesn't smell like urine in bedroom corners and in the main bathroom.
And enough money left over at the end of the month to enjoy shopping somewhere aside from the regular cheap, buy one season, wear it, stain it, shrink it and throw it away the next.
And...peace and quiet time.
And my old body back with someone else's nose and children and a husband who enjoy seeing mommy happy instead of getting sheer delight in making me go bonkers.
Maybe I don't need time so much as an alcohol addiction or a housekeeper/nanny or a winning lottery ticket or the peanuts music playing the background of my life so I can just get up and dance by kicking my feet out randomly.
Nope, just more time...
And a margarita.

Is it bed time yet?

I've got a busy morning. Up 4 times last night with the baby- still unsure why. Four in my bed by 12:32 is not the most comfortable night sleep, when I got some. But, when I got up and began to chug a long I realized I had much to do before taking the kids to the 2's class.
I had to make or buy 12 cookies
Cut up, brown and put together dinner in the crock pot
Change the monkey
Feed the baby
Grab the library books- since it is on our way
Take a shower
Put gas in the car
Laundry
Breakfast maybe? Coffee for sure.
Less than 2 hours to accomplish it all
Yeah right!
No shower, or gas for the car, lovely ape changed the monkey- add a baby diaper change.
No problem I was smiling and all was well. Then the Ape left to work and...
Then the shit hit the fan!!!!!!!!!!
As I was trying to get dressed the baby got snippy then cranky, then nuts.
I got changed, put the baby in the car seat and he was rip roaring pissed! But, what could I do we were already late.
The monkey was watching a morning cartoon and when I reminded him that we needed to go to his class and I shut off the television...BOOM! He began crying and stomping.
2 kids- both crying their eyes out. The little one was even turning purple and choking on his saliva. What the hell! Why is this so damn difficult?
I grab them, pushing and screaming-me that is- and I grab my keys to get the garage door open. Why would my keys be attached to my key chain with the whole neighborhood echoing in shrill tears-why, why,WHY GOD, WHY!!!!!!!!!!
I have completely lost it.
Why when daddy was home everybody was just trucking along like the day was going to be great. But, as soon as he gets in his car it's like fucking Armageddon in here, and I'm not sure who the God character is being played by.
I find the keys, calm the monkey down, and deal with the purple faced baby.
We get in the garage, I manage to lose the keys again, and then we go.
The car ride is calming.
The class is usual. Half chaotic because of the one 2 year old who's constantly runs around and doesn't like to clean up- yes of course that would be my kid.
As we leave my gas light goes on- no problem the gas station is 1/4 mile away. Easy, except that for some reason it is shut down. Okay. 1/2 mile later the next gas station is also closed. W H A T? Lucky number 3 is open and close to us.
Lastly, at least so far, I cleaned, put the baby down for a nap, feed the monkey and was getting my piece of R and R - 1 minute in the bathroom with a book- yes this is my only daily time to myself. As soon as I get in there- my sister gets into my house. What does my monkey do when she asks: "Where's mommy?" The monkey runs into the hall, opens the bathroom door and yells "Right here!" And that was when my time to myself ended. I don't get to do anything by myself and thank God it was only my sister. Then the Ape called and added to my chore list. It's 3 o'clock is it bed time yet?