Cooking

Listening to my husband and grandmother talk about me in another room is most amusing. It is so strange to hear peoples perception. How bizarre and from my angle how just a bit off they are.

While I was rushing about squeezing in chores during a visit that was some what spontaneous and not actually wanted I listened to them go on. Packing days are busy and once the afternoon hits I prefer for the four of us to be alone and try to get in some family time. My grandmother and others seem to absolutely not understand this- it is to the point that I'm just about ready to turn the phone off and not answer the door after 3 on Sundays. All week long I get questioned about how I handle my husband being gone all week, and how he should get a closer job so he's home every night but come the weekends everybody wants some of his time.

My grandmother had said something about how many recipes/cookbooks she had when the Ape had said "Like Liz." With that she went on to say that I didn't like to cook and he said that I did but he liked to cook more. They never asked me. He failed to mention that I have cooked through out our 10 year relationship-including just about every lunch and dinner for the first year we were married. And now do so everyday for 3 meals.

I love to cook and bake and have since I was young. But, give me a break. I fucking hate our kitchen. It's about the size of a bathroom but with less counter space. Our food is stored in one cabinet and a metal shelf from IKEA-not exactly Julia Childs pantry. Not to mention the 2 occasions that a full sized gray rat appeared. Not a cute little pet raton- a sneaky disease filled R A T. Yuck! Disgusting. Does this make you want to cook? Or, you know walk in that room. Yeah, it's safe but add those on to the 2 best chefs assistants that are always under foot. They just love to sit and watch me cook and bake, they help so well always measuring perfectly and never spilling. Right, there 2 years old and 5 months old they want all my attention now and helping is not there strong suit. It's fun at times but everyday, every meal- no.

I don't get the time, space or even enough people to feed to cook and bake the way I would like. But, the way they were talking it made it sound like I make a salad once a week and call it dinner. It's amazing that we aren't starving to death!

After all that foolishness- I finished some chores, she left, he packed and eventually I went to the grocery store for diapers. The baby was napping anyway and the big one was resting up against daddy, watching a show. It was a quick run- no cart, no list. I grabbed diapers and went to the self check out. While waiting some crazy lady crossed my path, looked at me and said something in some language and continued her conversation to nobody as she walked past. Weird.

Then, the guy ahead of me goes to check out- I step to his spot, my arms full of diapers, pull ups and more pull ups. He turns around, he apparently left something on the floor but I couldn't see it over my load. I took a step back with just my right foot and the chic behind me smacks me with her cart. Personal space bitch! Usually one would hear 'Oops, I'm sorry!' But, I received a "Ooh." Ooh, Ooh, my face fucking hurts from being smacked by 3 thousand diapers. Ooh! What the hell. Of course as I finished paying, I grab the receipt and some other bitch is right behind me trying to get my spot. It's a line-wait until I leave! Trying to run me out before I can get my stuff. I have 3 containers of diapers in express self check out - who the hell needs to get out of here more?? Just get out of my way and wait your turn.

I guess it was pick on Liz day-how fun.

Politeness

Have you ever gone someplace and had people be polite to you? Now have you been to a place where you have been polite to someone else? Not odd really. Usually, I am helpful when I see the need and am not in a hurry, frazzled over my kids. Someone needs help and without asking I just help. This sounds normal right? But, today I got people being polite just because it would serve them. A selfish polite.
I took the kids this morning to get a cup of coffee at a local coffee superstore. Shortly after jumping into the car- you know how quickly a mommy can get two kids in a car and transfer a stroller from one vehicle to the next. Super speed right-10 minutes later. I decided that I rather have coffee and a walk. So off to a local neighborhood that is family oriented and a little bit on the upscale side.
We walked to the coffee shop, got coffee and left. I opened the door with my behind, started scooting the stroller out while trying to get the monkey to walk through the open door in a small space next to me. In the midst of all of this action a man waits inside trying to get out- somewhat patiently but doesn't move to help. And a women from outside, almost completely oblivious to me in the door, grabs the handle and opens it, freeing my butt and giving me the ability to move faster. I said "thank you" in an upbeat voice and she didn't respond.
She was in her own world- so close to coffee she could practically taste its bitterness on her sour puss. It took time before she even realized that I had spoken to her. She was not aiding a fellow women in need- she was trying to get her fix, I was just an obstacle she needed to move out of her way quicker so she could run to the head of the line. I don't think I have ever payed attention to this kind of selfish encounter. But, I went on my merry way coffee, stroller and kids.
As we ended our walk and headed towards our car nothing enduring or out of the ordinary happened. We window shopped, we walked, I drank my coffee.
Next to our car a older women parked. She had done so before we had even left our car. She parked next to my drivers side after I had removed the baby so I hadn't noticed her extraordinary parking job. When we went back I then noticed that she had parked extremely close to my drivers side. Thus I was able to open the door, with hitting her rear passenger door, enough to barely squeeze the car seat with child in but not latch him. I left his door open a bit so I would remember that he was not ready to go. I went about putting the monkey in the car and closing up the stroller when who should come up but old woman who parks too close when there are an infinite amount of open spaces around.
In her old stylish grandma way told me she was going to close my door all the way. And she said it with a smile on her face. As if she was doing me a favor. How often do people forget to close a door? I mean yes a times we don't close it hard enough but the door wasn't ajar it was open. I could see it open, luckily it rested open only 2 inches so as not to be hitting her rear passenger door anymore. To that I answered "No thank you, my baby is in the car and I still need to latch him in". She then took her hands off of my car door- said "oh" and proceeded to get in her car and go. Good job grandma. My door was not in her way- her whole damn car was in mine. I thought I was going to have to back out a bit to fix the car seat before leaving. It was so nice of her to offer fixing my car so she wouldn't have to turn her head while backing out. Selfish,selfish,selfish. Next time don't park so damn close to people!
I wonder what goes through peoples minds? She saw that I had to kids, how would they magically get in and out of the car? And how can you miss my big ass in the glass door help or don't but pay attention.
In the end nothing was damaged or feelings hurt but I think I see things a little differently. Next time I have the monkey wig out in the coffee shops doorway to stop all walking traffic and cry when I can't get into my car properly.

So tired!!!!

I am exhausted. Why does motherhood have to be so freakin tiring! But, it is what it is and I am always complaining about it.

But a light has shown on me now. As I look around I wonder why God has given me this dead time. I don't know how to use it for the betterment of my mood or to wipe out exhaustion. The toddler is out with great grandma and baby is sleeping. So, with this God given quiet time I have decided to...do a load of laundry, update the baby book, take the trash/recycling to the curb, DRINK CAFFEINE, make my bed,write this, work on thank you cards and read a chapter. Why can't I just get it together enough to take a nap with the kids?? A nap sounds so good! If I lay down, I can't sleep. It isn't until I need to be awake that my eyes will start to gain weight and the desire to meet up with its partner. Timing is everything- and I don't have any.
However, getting some chores done is much easier when a baby isn't hanging on your hip and a toddler insisting on helping you every inch of the way- even when they can't reach or fall trying to help. This is like a mini house vacation. -----Okay, I'm over it.
Then I think about when the hubby will get home. I imagine lots of help and time to myself. I can see a sleeping me at a normal time. Rest and relaxation I can sense on my way- but the reality of this occurring- not so much. Then I will get upset with him for not giving me basically what I was daydreaming about. He is so screwed- somehow it will be his fault. I'm good at expecting lots and hinting little.
Okay, maybe a nanny will work. I just need my job back and then I can sign over my check to her- helping the economy- but then I'll have to pay more taxes so we'll have even less money- wait that won't work.
Maybe just a sleep aid or Martini. I've lost it. So tired!!!

Help

It is obvious to at least some, that at times I need help, the help that a cobalt martini can't offer. With 2 kids and a traveling husband sometimes I just have to take people up on their help to get things done. Today was one of those days- in fact this week is full of aid. But, today is that special icing on the cake that makes your stomach go 2-40-8.
My grandmother was going to help me clean my house. She came armed with mopping solution , although I don't have a traditional mop she seemed not ever to pay attention to that or the fact that I mop E V E R Y night before bed. She also came with garden clippers.
I pleaded that my grandmother's raking and cutting was not helping but instead making things worse on me. She ignored 95% of what I said and instead raked up a new mound for my neighbor cats to crap in. She thought I could place it all in the recycle bin because why?? Where would we be put all the regular weekly recycling? I then explained that the trash/recycling/yard waste pick up was today so not to touch any of that stuff. I don't have time to lug out ripping bags of branches and bushes at 9pm. I have - in my mind- more important things to do. Which is why of course I need the help. Things like bathroom cleaning, vacuuming and getting rid of the toy clutter. None of those things did she help with by the way.
She scrubbed, washed, replaced, retile, rebuilt- well not really but those immigrants are work horses she would've done anything SHE thought was necessary. I think she has a plan and is slowly working through it- like hiding a picture she thinks is inapropraitte while dusting.
Tomorrow my mom is coming to help- now her version of help is opposite- she asks "So what do you need help with?" or "What do you need me to do?" You know like someone you doesn't have an ulterior motive- although she will move pictures and add vases etc. She gets that from her mother- my workhorse grandmother. The immigrants come here and they are workhorses, they have immigrant children and they inherit that workhorse mentality, by the time it reaches the grandchildren- that keep working or will die attitude well-let's just say it's not around so much. But, that also means I probably won't scrub my grand kids screen door track or suggest serving their nap time child a cookie. Here's to hoping!

Nothing compares to our trip

A very similar but more awful thing happened on our trip. I took the toddler while my good friend watched the sleeping baby, and we went to a pharmacy and local grocery store. In the last 2 minutes of our trip to the pharmacy he chose to scream, yell and through a huge tantrum because I wouldn't let him get a candy. Not so unusual but, apparently in this small town it was the equivalent to watching the running of the bulls occurring down main street.

I had to hold his arm so he wouldn't run, then knelt down beside him while waiting for a painfully slow cashier. He went on and on- an ancient man stopped in his tracks and stared at us in the distance until we left the store. Someone came over and tried to give the kid a bear to hold- but since he was in full rage mode he yelled and threw it. Thanks mister! I paid, we left. And walked to the next store as he sobed about candy. I couldn't stop and wait for this to end I had to get back quickly so I would talk every once in awhile to try and calm him down then ignore him for a minute and this cycled on. I put him in the grocery cart and he stepped it up a notch.

It was loud and exhausting! People stopped shopping to stare as we passed. I was working over time too be patient and calmly get him back to quiet. "Oh my god whats wrong with him" was said at some point. Right as he was calming down a man about 2 feet away from us, that apparently was at the last store too, said to our general direction "You should've just given him the candy." I made no eye contact, continued to get the item in that area then turn around and left. But the tiger started up again. You asshole! Who the fuck are you to say that. Giving in is not going to teach him anything. I mean if that is all it takes my ass will run down to Gucci and give it a try right now. Fucker! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Then another moldy oldy was shopping around in a electric cart and was going to the same aisles we were. She seemed to be getting irritated that I wouldn't get out of her way with my maniac. She was literally looking her nose down at us- the old sour puss. She finally broke away and when we rounded a blind corner we almost ran into each other- of course she stopped looked at me and said "Almost" then went on with her old self. Her coward husband smiling behind. Bitch I should put you out of your misery right now!

This store was too much for me. In the check out line the rascal relaxed and all forms of tantrum stopped. But, I was already mortified. I felt like I was in a little New England town in the fall where something eerie was occurring but since we were not the lead characters involved knew nothing about it. Everyone was staring with dead eyes and pursed lips.

My kids, my rules- old people stay out my business! I have never seen or heard such rude people in my life. I was shocked. And proud that no one was physical harmed in this shopping experience.

Bug Off Bitch

I like notice occasionally. I'm loud, bitchy and dramatic- at times. On a regular basis I'm just me and don't like too much attention when I'm out and about. Most often if you leave me alone, I'll do the same back.

Most recently, this afternoon and on our trip, we have had extra unwanted attention. A negative sort of attention. Back before my beautiful boys were born I probably would have called out these people but I like to think that now I have more restraint. Although, on these two incidents I wonder how.

Today, we as a family went out to order cupcakes for an upcoming family event. At the bakery we had to wait, discuss, draw, choose, pay, etc. It takes time to place an order and the kids were being kids. Nothing the two of us couldn't handle. The other patrons and in fact the baker paid no attention until... a very pregnant and mismatched 40 year old and her gray haired husband walk in and spot us. It was hard not to since the shop was the size of a clam shell. They ordered and chose to sit next to us. She even asked if we were using the 2 seat table where she wanted to squeeze into because our car seat was near it, you know next to my chair- as if it had another place it could fit. I moved it- she sat.

And for the rest of her croissant she watched us. She sat with her back to us so she very obviously turned her entire body around to look at me, the toddler and the whole brood. She did so over 5 times and just stared. I tried not to pay any attention but I felt like yelling: HELLO, Can we HELP YOU???

I went on playing pretend with the boy as hubby finished the order. It seems that during this time the couple got so annoyed that they took their items unfinished and left. It is not my fault that her pregnancy was winning and she looked like shit but bitch mind your own freakin business. My kids were not yelling, screaming, crying or running so in mommyland they were well behaved!

But, nothing compares to our trip.