So tired!!!!

I am exhausted. Why does motherhood have to be so freakin tiring! But, it is what it is and I am always complaining about it.

But a light has shown on me now. As I look around I wonder why God has given me this dead time. I don't know how to use it for the betterment of my mood or to wipe out exhaustion. The toddler is out with great grandma and baby is sleeping. So, with this God given quiet time I have decided to...do a load of laundry, update the baby book, take the trash/recycling to the curb, DRINK CAFFEINE, make my bed,write this, work on thank you cards and read a chapter. Why can't I just get it together enough to take a nap with the kids?? A nap sounds so good! If I lay down, I can't sleep. It isn't until I need to be awake that my eyes will start to gain weight and the desire to meet up with its partner. Timing is everything- and I don't have any.
However, getting some chores done is much easier when a baby isn't hanging on your hip and a toddler insisting on helping you every inch of the way- even when they can't reach or fall trying to help. This is like a mini house vacation. -----Okay, I'm over it.
Then I think about when the hubby will get home. I imagine lots of help and time to myself. I can see a sleeping me at a normal time. Rest and relaxation I can sense on my way- but the reality of this occurring- not so much. Then I will get upset with him for not giving me basically what I was daydreaming about. He is so screwed- somehow it will be his fault. I'm good at expecting lots and hinting little.
Okay, maybe a nanny will work. I just need my job back and then I can sign over my check to her- helping the economy- but then I'll have to pay more taxes so we'll have even less money- wait that won't work.
Maybe just a sleep aid or Martini. I've lost it. So tired!!!