Blogging

So this is what "mommyhood" has come to: ranting about the stark raving mad thoughts of me and my pod family. Not only that, but they let me spew this nonsensical "stuff" from my bed at half past dawn for free! Just like I say when things take too long to describe or explain to my 2 and a half year old: "It's magic!"

Every item I write, every typed letter or thought that crosses my mind happens when I'm half asleep. Why? Because, I'm always half asleep. I'm so serious that I couldn't even put the damn explanation mark after "asleep." It's serious. I haven't gone through one night in two years five months without waking up at least twice during the night. By waking up I mean searching for a pacifier in two different rooms, filling a glass with water, getting medicine, changing diapers, checking the front of the house for weird noises, trying to shut the snoring off, changing sheets, checking temperatures, reading the baby bible of care taking to soothe my soul in stead of calling 911 over gas, bringing baby to bed, taking toddler out of my bed and of course there are 100 more things that keep me up at night. Notice not once did I mention wild passionate love making, crazy hot sex or even snuggling. Apparently, there isn't time for that. There is too much not sleeping going on. It's a horrible affliction that apparently comes with the graceful, clean, relaxing, healthy, self absorbed job of child rearing.

I do this all for my wonderful family: an Ape, a monkey, a peanut, and me an angel who is in dire need of a margarita, pedicure and Gucci.

My Ape: I'm married to a guy who thinks standing up is strenuous, especially if the television is on. To add to that he travels during the week for work. He is gone, lets just say, um ALL THE TIME.

In addition I have two boys (Monkey and Peanut)- one on the teet and a two year old who can't hear the sound level of his own voice. He is so freakin loud all the time. He has now gotten into the rocker singing style of lets say, Henry Rollins. Every word he sings is guttural, with his little face turning bright purple and a pretend mic up to his mouth. At times he moves it closer and further away- has he been to a concert? There must be some toddler MTV or Fuse network I'm not aware of on the TV front. Man I'm old. I just want him to play with blocks.

Me, well I'm fat and I'm a mommy with a part time husband and a very loooooooooooowwwwwww bank account. It's a pleasure. I can honestly say I never dreamt of such a future.

Well, my time is up. This is the end of tonights blog. Hopefully, I'll get some sleep. Realistically I'm already thinkg about my morning cup of coffee.